


Once the Brain Fog Clears

by Impala_Chick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Horror, Lovecraftian Monster(s), M/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Tony Stark, Psychological Horror, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-19 18:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17007171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Chick/pseuds/Impala_Chick
Summary: SHIELD HQ loses contact with their Arctic Base, and they ask Steve, Sam, and Nat to go recover their agents. But there is a monster lurking in the ice, and it knows Steve's weaknesses.





	Once the Brain Fog Clears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shaliara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaliara/gifts).



> Thanks for some great prompts! I enjoyed exploring something a little darker than I normally write. Happy Holidays :)
> 
> If you need more clarification about the tags to read, please ask. Steve is the one psychologically tortured, and there are references to Steve seeing gore but no one actually gets physically hurt.
> 
> Thank you so very much to [indigostohelit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigostohelit/pseuds/indigostohelit/works) for being a thoughtful and thorough beta, and for helping me shape this plot into something more coherent. Beta'd as a result of their auction offering for Marvel Trumps Hate!

While they were airborne in the Quinjet heading towards the Arctic, Steve couldn’t stop replaying what Tony had said to him just a few days prior.

It happened after dinner, after drinks, after they fucked in Tony’s new bed, when Steve got up to get something to drink. Steve had asked Tony if he wanted any water or more champagne, or anything at all. And Tony had replied easily, almost jokingly:

_“I already have you, Steve. There’s nothing else I need.”_

But Steve would never forget the sincerity in Tony’s eyes when he spoke those words. Keeping Tony at arm’s length had always been safer, for both of them. Tony could keep on believing in the image of Steve he had grown up with, and Steve wouldn’t disappoint him so long as Tony didn’t get too close. Steve had been fine with that plan, and yet Tony’s words echoed in his head. Steve couldn't deny to himself, at least, that what he felt for Tony went beyond just sex.

Once they landed, Nat lowered the Quinjet’s ramp. His helmet was already secured, but Steve pulled the bottom part of the dark blue balaclava he had been issued up over his mouth and nose. He put on his goggles, and then stepped onto the ramp. He looked around at the white, frozen landscape. Flurries of snow blew across the tundra, but the terrain was otherwise unremarkable. All he could see was ice, and he could feel his heart start to race -

“You okay?” It was Nat, her hand on his right arm. She must have picked up on his hesitation. Sam was standing to his right, looking at him intently. Steve offered a weak smile. No need to worry them, but looking out at the vast, blank canvas of snow was completely unsettling. As soon as he had been briefed, he had dreaded this mission, but there was nothing he could do now except keep walking off the Quinjet. 

“Right. Most important objective, find the 10 SHIELD agents from the Arctic Base and ready them for extraction. Second objective, gather intel. We landed the Quinjet as close as we could to the coordinates of the base, but there is currently low visibility,” Steve recited, firmly back to business. 

“And so, we walk,” Nat concluded. Steve trudged forward, moving slightly slower than normal. He only had two extra layers of clothing on under his uniform, thanks to some fantastic Stark Industries fabric innovations, but his snow boots were heavy. Steve winced as his footfalls created loud crunching sounds in the ice, even though it probably didn't matter. If there were any enemies watching them, they would have been easy to spot, as there was no cover to be had. Steve had his shield up, ready to face gunfire or worse. They had no idea what they were walking into. 

Steve would rather not have gone in blind, but there hadn’t been any way to gain more information without wasting time. SHIELD HQ had called him in, frantic. He was told that when HQ had received the last mission update from the SHIELD field agents, they were investigating something in the ice. HQ tried to get in contact with them repeatedly after that, but they were met with radio silence.

Steve could make out a few tall antenna wires, and the domed black roof of the Arctic Base. It looked intact. The three of them carefully circled the building once they reached it, and found nothing. 

“Time to see who’s home,” Sam said, grabbing the door handle. Nat had her pistol raised and pointed at the doorway. Steve took up a position next to Nat, flanking Sam, his shield up. Sam looked at Steve, who nodded. He yanked on the door handle, and the door easily popped open.

“No locks in the Arctic?” Nat said.

“Keep your wits about you,” Steve admonished. He knew that Sam and Nat wouldn’t let their guard down so easily, but something about the vast frozen tundra to his back, and the dark and empty room in front of him set his teeth on edge. This place was supposed to be buzzing with activity. It was a research facility and spy station, where Agents had surveillance technology monitoring the sound waves 24/7. There should have been at least white noise. But there were no sounds coming from inside the station. 

“Let’s do a sweep,” Steve said as he stepped inside. He was struck by how cold the hallway was. The heating system must have stopped working. Maybe all the power to the station had been shut down. That could explain why it was so quiet. 

“I think we should go to the control room first,” Nat suggested as she followed Steve into the narrow, dark hallway. Sam clicked on his flashlight as he stepped in behind them and shut the door. 

“Fine by me,” Steve agreed. He let Nat take the lead as he turned on his own flashlight and swept it around the small space. He could make out shapes and objects in the dark much better than the average person, but he still needed a flashlight to see properly. There were snow boots lined up on two wooden shelves, and skis and snow shoes were resting against the wall. Further on down the hallway, heavy parkas were hanging from all of the coat hooks. 

“Maybe they’re still inside somewhere,” Sam said. Steve was starting to feel more and more uneasy, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. They had studied the layout of the station before they had arrived, so they knew where to go. When they reached the dead end they turned left, and pushed through two heavy glass doors. The doors opened up into a massive control room, complete with several large monitors on the wall and desks lined up with computers and surveillance equipment. 

Nat flicked the light switch on the wall, and nothing happened. Sam moved the mouse on the closest desk, and the computer did not light up. Steve walked to the north side of the room, and pushed the power buttons on some of the televisions. Nothing was working. 

“So, their power got cut? Maybe they are all huddled in the living spaces on the other side of the station?” Sam hypothesized.

“Okay, new plan. I’m going to try and restore power here. You guys check out the living spaces,” Nat said. 

“There is another room attached to this one, Nat. We can’t leave without clearing that room first,” Steve pointed out.

“Intel is going to be vital. I’m sure if I could just get one of these computers up and running, we could get some answers,” she said.

Steve narrowed his eyes, confused. She knew the mission objectives, she knew they had other priorities, priorities that involved other people, but she didn’t look like she was going to change her mind. Besides, they hadn’t seen any reason to suspect any danger, yet. It was just that the hairs on the back of Steve’s neck kept standing up. 

“Sam, you’re with me then.” Steve headed off towards the door they hadn’t yet investigated as Nat bent over one of the computers and started fiddling with the wires.

The room off of the control room was a large storage room, filled with boxes of spare equipment, broken machinery, and extra dry goods. He and Sam swept the room, and all of the boxes were covered in a thin layer of dust. None of the light switches worked, just like in the control room. 

“Maybe I should start going through these boxes for clues,” Sam said as he reached for a nearby box. 

“But we still haven’t checked the living spaces,” Steve pointed out. “We can’t just abandon the search. What if there are agents here who need our help?” Sam didn’t even bother responding. He was already tearing the tape off of a box and peering inside, totally ignoring Steve.

“Okay, then.” Steve backed out of the room, confused. The urge to move on had gripped him though, and he left the room without thinking any more about Nat or Sam. He wasn’t going to abandon the mission, or the agents who were still missing.

He made his way to the living spaces on his own. He crossed through the foyer they had entered through, and pushed through the other set of big glass doors that led into the kitchen. It was dark, and dead quiet. No hum of a refrigerator or a heater, or any appliances for that matter. He walked past the tables and chairs and pushed open the wooden door that led into the living room space. There was a TV on the wall, and a few gaming consoles set under it. A large sectional couch faced the TV. Steve checked the light switches again, but nothing would turn on. He kept on moving through the living room into the long corridor that obviously led to the bedrooms. He stopped at the first door on his right and listened for a minute. Upon hearing nothing, he pushed open the door. It swung inward without trouble, and that’s when Steve realized the room wasn’t empty. 

He punched with his left, assuming the person must be a hostile, and made contact with metal. He wrenched his hand back, surprised by the pain that bloomed across his knuckles. When the figure didn't punch back, Steve looked up and realized that the suit was extremely familiar. 

“Tony?” Steve had been listening for intruders, and he hadn’t heard anyone come in or out of the room. Tony would have had to fly in order to get to the station, which wouldn’t have been a quiet feat. 

“Steve! About time you got here,” Tony said with a laugh after his helmet deconstructed. 

“I’m glad you are here. Everyone is acting off,” Steve said as he lowered his shield. Steve felt strange, like he should be having a more emotional response to seeing Tony, but he didn't really feel much of anything.

“Really? Maybe the immense wasteland that is the Arctic is getting to them. I’m sure they will be fine,” Tony said as he patted Steve on the shoulder. Steve felt an immediate urge to keep inspecting the room. He started pulling out dresser drawers, only to find nothing in them. Steve had always known Tony couldn’t stay away from a fight, but when Steve had been briefed on the mission, Tony hadn’t been at the compound. And Steve had said a small team would do, which is why he only asked Sam and Nat to come. No need to pull Tony out of retirement for a simple rescue operation.

Without stopping his search through a bunch of empty drawers, he decided to ask Tony about it. But it seemed hard to form the right words. He finally spoke, but his tongue felt heavy. 

“Wait, why aren’t you home, enjoying retirement?” Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t remember if he had even told Tony he was leaving or where he was going.

When he made eye contact with him, Tony was watching him with his lips slightly parted, like he was thirsty and Steve was the only glass of water for miles. The kind of look that Tony usually reserved for _after_ a mission. 

He meant to tease Tony in response, but his words sounded flat as they came out of his mouth. “What are you doing?” 

“I just. I missed you, is all.” Tony’s voice dropped an octave as he stepped towards Steve. Tony’s voice seemed utterly removed from the room, and Steve couldn’t decide how to react. Instead, Steve wandered around the room, and bent down to open up the bottom dresser drawer and look inside. He didn’t recall consciously deciding to search through the drawers. His body felt like it was moving of its own volition, and he had to fight to remember why he was in the room at all. 

“Tony, we have people to rescue,” Steve said, when he finally remembered. He turned around to look under the large bed, because the mattress was slightly askew from its bed frame. Steve felt sluggish and clouded. He wondered idly if he was coming down with a head cold.

“Oh, Steve. I was afraid you’d say that.” Tony’s voice was hollow-sounding, and the words didn’t even register before something hard struck Steve on the back of the head. 

He wasn’t hit hard enough to get knocked out, but the force of the blow did bring Steve to his knees. His chest crumpled against the bed, and his vision swam. He struggled to understand what had happened. He had to think each thought purposefully in order to penetrate the thick haze that seemed to have enveloped his brain. 

By the time he attempted to stand back up, he realized that he couldn’t. His wrists were bound behind his back, and his feet were bound, too. Steve couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like he had been bound instantaneously. In the back of his mind, he debated struggling, but his brain kept trying to convey to him that everything was okay.

Tony climbed up onto the bed from the side, and laid down on his stomach. He was no longer wearing the iron man armor, and instead was wearing simple blue slacks and a t-shirt. He leaned forward and put his chin in his hands, so that his face was only a few inches from Steve’s. And he was smirking like he’d just won a prize. 

“What is going on?” Steve asked. His voice sounded like it was coming from far away, like maybe he wasn't even the person talking. Tony kept _staring_ at Steve, like he didn’t even care at all about whether Steve was hurt. He didn’t care at all that he was the one who had struck Steve. Even with his brain working slowly, Steve started to think that he wasn’t talking to the real Tony.

“Who are you?” Steve asked. His voice came out softer than he intended.

“Listen, Cap. I’d love to stay and chat, but there are some things you need to see.” The man was still wearing Tony’s face, still leaning towards him menacingly, but then the room completely dropped away around them. 

Steve gasped as he materialized in the control room, still on his knees and bound. He could clearly see Natasha, attempting to follow the wires hanging from the computers to their sources. He shouted to her, but she didn’t even look up. Steve couldn’t hear her either, even though he could see her lips moving. Then, he looked around the rest of the room, and noticed the bodies that littered the floor. The missing agents.

He could see blood pooling on the floor around some of the bodies clustered around the main door, but one agent was sitting down pressed against the north wall, rocking his body back and forth. Another agent was clearly crying, his head in his hands, even though Steve couldn’t hear what he was saying. Nat wasn’t seeing them or hearing them. 

“What have you done?” Steve felt a tidal wave of panic roll through his body. These were the people they had come to protect, littered around the floor, in danger. The sight of them so helpless pierced the fog of Steve’s mind and spurred him into action. He struggled against the restraints as hard as he could, but he couldn’t affect them.

“Let’s have a look at Sam, shall we?” Steve had realized that this person couldn’t be Tony, but the man was good at mimicking Tony’s voice. Steve whipped his head around, but he couldn’t see him anywhere.

The command room melted out of view and he was suddenly in the supply room. Steve felt his mind focusing again, and it was like his brain was emerging from a murky lake. Everything was becoming much more clear. 

There was Sam, only a few inches from him, frantically searching through a box. He kept pulling out random items like dish towels, gloves, and pieces of paper. Steve called out to him, already knowing it was futile. The box seemed bottomless as Sam continued to mindlessly reach into it. But as Steve looked around, he realized that there were two agents in this room with Sam. A few feet away from Sam, one of the agents was on the ground. Her face was turned towards Steve, and he could see that she had a large cut on her head with blood flowing from it. Steve attempted to reach her, thrashing against his restraints. His teammates couldn’t even see the danger. He was going to fail this mission and these agents, and he didn’t even understand why any of this was happening.

“Stop! Trade them for me,” Steve shouted. Maybe the monster wouldn’t go for it, but he had to try.

There was no answer. Steve tried to control his breathing. He wasn’t going to win this with strength. He had to focus on clearing his mind, and thinking of another way.

Steve watched as the agent tried to crawl forward, blood still sliding down her cheek. She pulled the bottom half of her body along the floor with her elbows and then she reached out to Sam when she got closer. She must have been able to see him, but he gave no indication that he could see her. It was agonizing, seeing her struggle silently right next to someone who couldn’t help her. 

Time seemed to grind to a halt as Steve watched, thrashing against his restraints even though he knew the effort was futile.

Finally, the voice spoke again. 

“I knew this would bother you,” Tony’s voice crowed. “It’s worse than seeing people die, isn’t it, _Captain_? Being powerless to stop any of it. Well, I’m going to let you in on a secret. The agents have been like this the _entire time_ you’ve been inside the Base.”

Steve sucked in a breath. They had swept these two rooms before, and they had walked right where the agents were lying on the ground. They had been tricked, somehow. The empty rooms had been an illusion. He thought about how Tony would be so disappointed with how easily he had been trapped. Especially by a monster that only looked like Tony. Steve should have been able to tell the difference sooner.

“So, what? This is just to fuck with us?” Steve asked, still pulling against his restraints. Steve didn’t know of any material that could hold him this long, save vibranium. 

“No. This is just to fuck with _you_ ,” Tony’s voice said in his ear. Steve whipped around, only to come face to face with Tony’s smirking face. 

“Did you hear my proposition earlier?” Steve tried again, desperate.

“I already have you, Steve. There’s nothing else I need.” The last part was whispered intimately. Confidently. 

Steve gasped. Those words coming from the monster’s mouth could not have been coincidental. Steve’s stomach rolled and he felt like he was going to be sick. 

“Why are you doing this?” Steve asked, defeated. This man knew about him, about _them_. He could restrain Steve, and he seemingly had control of Sam and Nat. And agents were dying around them. Steve had no idea how to fix any of it.

The man walked around Steve, so that he was directly in front of him. Steve couldn’t look away. His slacks hugged his hips just right, and his shirt was slightly untucked the way Tony usually wore T-shirts. The man even scrubbed his hand through his hair like Tony. But his facial expression was slightly off, like he was trying really hard to smile. His mouth gave him away. 

“I’ve been frozen for quite a while now, time to have some fun,” the thing sneered.

“None of these people did anything to you,” Steve said as he pointed his chin towards the agent still on the ground. She had given up on crawling, and her skin was looking extremely pale. 

“Just let me help them. I won’t leave,” Steve offered, his eyes focused on the woman. 

“We both know that isn’t true. What would your man think of you then?” The man taunted. 

Steve gritted his teeth. The thing kept casually talking about Tony, invoking his name and his likeness to intimidate Steve, and it was working. Steve could feel the rage swiftly building in his gut, that such a monster would dare wear Tony’s face. But Steve had to focus on the people that so desperately needed help. His help.

“Take me back to the other room,” he commanded, unsure of whether it would do as he asked. He glared, and the monster looked slightly taken aback. It was a very Tony-like expression and Steve again his stomach clench with nausea. In the next instant Steve was in the command center again. 

The room looked mostly unchanged. Nat was still frantically grasping various wires, and jamming them in and out of one of the computers in the center of the room. Some agents lay flat on the floor, the way Steve remembered them. Others were trying to crawl towards Nat, but a few were just rocking back and forth, their faces wearing matching expressions of terror. 

As Steve watched, he realized the agents were trapped doing the same things over and over. The one nearest Nat got very close to her, almost touching her ankle. In the next instant, he was back where he started a few feet away and crawling towards her again. The agent whose body was racked with sobs was pressed against the north wall. He stopped rocking to look up vacantly ahead of himself, and then started sobbing again. The movements of all the agents were mechanical and repetitive. 

“What the hell?” Steve said under his breath. He tried to rock his body forward, but he couldn’t get any traction on the floor and he couldn’t get his knees to move. He even tried to fall face first into the ground in a desperate attempt to just change _something_ , but he couldn’t even do that. His body was buoyed in place, unmovable. 

The man who wasn’t Tony walked in front of Steve’s field of vision, and knelt down so that he was eye level. He was smiling, a smile so huge and vile and fake that Steve felt disgusted. Tony’s face was stretched grotesquely, like a clown, and all of his teeth were showing. 

Maybe he couldn’t explain why the thing looked like Tony, but he knew then that it wasn’t human.

“What do you want me to do?” Steve asked.

“I don’t want you to do anything. I’m a figment of your imagination. _You_ created me, and you’re the one who is keeping yourself tied up.” The thing was still leaning in front of him, leering at him with that terrifying smile.

“Bullshit,” Steve answered automatically. “What about Sam and Nat? And all these agents? I dreamed them up too? This whole compound?” 

“Steve, Steve, Steve. You only see what you want to see. Have another look at your dear friend,” the thing prompted as he straightened up and stepped aside. 

Steve looked over at Nat. He watched in horror as she straightened up and let go of the cables she had been fiddling with. Blood started to drip from her hands, and she dropped to her knees. The skin on her nose seemed to bubble and ooze, and she opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out.

The far door burst open, and Sam stumbled in. He as afflicted with the same condition, his face oozing. Steve looked away, and was immediately ashamed at himself for doing so. But once he did, he saw that the SHIELD agents were grasping at their faces, trying to hold their skin together as it dripped between their fingers. All of their mouths were open in silent screams. He looked back at Nat, her face completely unrecognizable. She looked like some kind of crudely designed skeleton, her hair matted to her head. 

He forced himself to keep his eyes open, to take in what was happening. He owed them that much. 

“Stop!” Steve started to sob, his shoulders shaking. “Please make it stop.” 

He didn’t even know where the thing had gone, until it was screaming his name somewhere behind him.

“Steve! Steve!” Steve didn’t even bother turning around. He was focused intently on the scene before him, everyone melting away because he was unable to do anything to help them. He felt his chest tightening, and he struggled for air. He wondered if he was going to pass out. 

Then, fingers curled around his shoulder. Steve leaned away from the touch, even though he knew doing so was pointless. This monster could do whatever he wanted, because Steve was too weak to be able to fight back. Steve wanted to take comfort in knowing that he’d done everything he could to at least make the real Tony feel loved, but he couldn’t even remember the last thing he said to him. 

The man who looked like Tony came around to face him, and fell to his knees, blocking Steve’s view of the control room. His lips fell open, and his eyes were wide as he stared at Steve, seemingly thunderstruck. He looked distraught, and sad. He looked much more like Tony than he had before.

Steve couldn’t react, couldn’t think of anything to say. Maybe the brain fog was affecting him even more now. The thing just kept saying his name, softly now. Steve felt hollowed out, empty. Like everything was about to end.

“Do what you came here to do,” Steve begged. “Finish it!” The monster’s eyes searched his face, his brow furrowed in confusion. He reached out and put his hands on Steve’s cheek. Steve wrenched away, but the monster held him tight and Steve stopped struggling. Ice cold wind hit his cheeks, and Steve blinked against the sudden chill.

“Stay with me,” the thing breathed as he retracted his hand. Then he turned to his right, as if he was looking over Steve’s shoulder.

“Wanda!” The thing shouted. Steve wondered what other cruel tricks could possibly be left to play. He finally closed his eyes against it all, unwilling to find out. 

He didn’t open his eyes again for a very long time.

\--- 

Steve awoke in a strange room, alone. He looked down at himself. His wrists had no bruises or marks to indicate that he had been bound, and he pulled back a soft, silk comforter to look at his ankles. No signs of captivity there either. He lifted up the white t-shirt he was wearing, but his body looked the same. Completely normal. He glanced around the room as he sat up, unsure of where he was. 

“Good afternoon, Captain,” a familiar voice greeted him, seemingly emanating from the ceiling.

“Friday?” Steve asked, surprised. “Where is Tony?” Now the fancy sheets and the huge window made sense. He was at Tony’s. 

“He is safe. He brought you here, to his home, and had his own doctor look at you. He’s waiting just outside your door.” 

Friday’s words gave Steve pause. 

“Why is he waiting?” Steve sat up and swung his legs over the bed, already walking to the door.

“Mr. Stark wasn’t sure if you -” But Friday didn’t get to finish her sentence. Steve threw open the door, and there was Tony, uncharacteristically disheveled. His hair was sticking up at odd angles and the sweatshirt he was wearing was wrinkled, like he hadn’t changed in awhile. He still had his under-armor clothes on, and he was wearing two mismatched socks. His hands were shoved in his sweatshirt pockets, and he looked up at Steve cautiously.

This had to be the real Tony. Wouldn’t Friday be able to tell the difference?

“What is-” 

“How’s your-”

Tony held his hand up for Steve to wait, so Steve stopped talking. He immediately worried about Sam and Nat, and the other agents. He swallowed back his questions, though. 

“Nat and Sam are physically fine. The SHIELD agents are physically fine too, and they are starting their debriefs today. Sam and Nat reported being controlled by someone they thought they knew. They were made to do the same tasks, over and over. Some sort of mind control was at play.” 

“What about the monster?” Steve asked. He wasn’t sure if he could trust Tony, considering the monster had done such a good job of imitating him before. He didn’t think Friday would make such a mistake, but what if it Steve was hallucinating again? What if the monster was making up an elaborate story? 

“Thor electrocuted it to incapacitate it. It had glowing red eyes and was a fucking massive blob with a mostly human face. Good at reading minds and making people hallucinate when not electrocuted or frozen, apparently. Thor recognized it, and kept calling it one of the ‘great old ones’? Anyway, he did most of the heavy lifting. We pushed it back under the ice, and the thing froze up like a nasty gray popsicle,” Tony explained, grimacing as he thought about the monster.

The explanation seemed plausible, but Steve felt unsure. “Who did Nat and Sam say was controlling them?” Steve pressed. 

“Well, uh.” Tony hesitated before continuing. “They said it was you.” 

“Tony, I wasn’t -” 

“I know, Steve. When I got there, you were on your knees in the snow and you’d been there for a while. Your lips were blue. Thor, Wanda, and Vision saw you too.”

“I didn’t think that was you,” Steve said slowly. “How did you know to come?”

“As soon as you guys landed, HQ lost contact. They did not take any chances at that point, and called me. I have a feeling they knew more than what they briefed you, and they will be getting a piece of my mind later.” Tony crossed his arms, his lips pursed. He looked genuinely worried for the safety of their team. 

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. This had to be the real Tony. The monster he had been dealing with never showed a sign that he cared about anyone. 

“God, it’s really you,” Steve said. 

“Yeah. Hey. It’s me,” Tony said as stepped forward. Tony reached up to touch Steve’s cheek, but Steve flinched. It happened so quickly, Steve’s body reacted without intent. Steve _knew_ that this was really Tony, but he couldn’t stop himself in time. Tony noticed and he instantly retracted his hand and backed up a step.

Steve’s heart sank. Tony definitely didn’t deserve that kind of reaction from him, and he knew he owed Tony an explanation.

He took a deep breath. “The thing that was controlling me, it wore your face. It was impersonating you.”

“Oh.” Realization dawned on Tony’s face, like Steve’s behavior was making sense now. But Steve still felt ashamed he hadn’t been able to fight off the monster. Now that he knew he was safe, the fear that had gripped him for so long suddenly crashed over him like a wave, and he crumpled to the ground under the weight of it. He curled in on himself, his head against his knees as he struggled to breath.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay. I won’t touch, I’ll just sit here.” Tony’s voice was soothing and gentle as he sank down next to Steve. Steve focused on Tony’s words until he felt his body relax. 

“Ya know, it’s funny. You’ve been to my house how many times now? And yet this is the first time you’ve stayed in the guest room,” Tony said as he cracked a smile.

Steve looked at Tony, smiling at him like maybe everything _was_ going to be okay, and then he processed what Tony had said. He started laughing so hard that he had to double over and clutch his chest, and then tears started to roll down his cheeks. He laughed until his throat hurt and he was just making wheezing noises. The laughter released the tension that had coiled low in his gut, and his body felt loose and relaxed.

“It is a rather nice guest room,” Steve finally managed to say between breaths. Tony was watching him with the biggest grin on his face.

“But hopefully you never have to stay in it again,” Tony said as he held his hands out, palms up.

“Can I hold your hand?” Tony asked. Steve nodded as he got his breathing under control. He reached out and Tony took Steve’s right hand in his left. Tony squeezed it gently, and then rested it against his thigh.

“Thank you, Tony.” For stopping the monster. For saving the base. For being so kind. But the words caught in his throat. He still had one other thing to resolve, and he was just going to keep thinking about it unless he said something.

“And I’m sorry I couldn’t… I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it.” Steve looked down at the floor, embarrassed.

“Hey. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. It was an alien god you were fighting, and you guys were woefully under-prepared. I mean, why would you even - wait, did you think I would be angry at you?” Tony turned his body to look at Steve, concerned. His hand still held on tightly to Steve.

“I figured something more like disappointment,” Steve admitted. Tony shook his head vehemently.

“Steve, you realize I don’t hang out with you just because you’re an Avenger, right?” Tony’s voice was light, but he was staring at Steve intently. Steve couldn’t help but feel a little sheepish once Tony said it like that. 

“I just thought you had this image of me and expected me to be someone you could look up to, and if I let you see my flaws you'd... get bored,” Steve admitted. 

“I like to think I have a fairly firm grasp on reality. I know you’re human, like the rest of us. I love you anyway.” Tony let it slip out, and his eyes grew wide when he realized what he’d said. Steve inhaled sharply, surprised. The way Tony said it, so casually but so honestly, made Steve's heart swell.

Steve bumped his shoulder against Tony’s. “Me too. Love you, I mean.” Steve said it without hesitation, now that Tony had. It felt so easy, and so right, that Steve was annoyed with himself for not saying it sooner. Steve saw Tony blush, and Steve pulled Tony’s hand up to press his lips to it. “Sorry to ruin your retirement,” Steve added. Tony huffed a laugh.

“I think I’d much rather be in the loop about missions from here on out,” Tony said, his fingers still entwined with Steve’s. “How about some water? Something to eat?” Tony asked gently. 

“Yeah, okay.” Steve sighed. Seeing Tony so calm and collected was giving Steve strength. 

“Can I help you up?” Tony asked. Steve nodded and let Tony gently pull him to his feet. Steve held onto Tony’s hand, so that he wouldn’t step back.

“The whole flight to the Arctic, I was thinking about what you said to me the last time, in your bed.”

“Yeah?” Tony smiled softly at him.

“Yeah. And I just…” Steve took a deep breath. “There’s nothing else I need, either.”

Tony used his hand to pull Steve to his chest, and then wrapped his arms around him. Steve sighed into Tony’s hair. He had never felt so safe, or so loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Now on tumblr [here](http://impalachick.tumblr.com/post/181881967343/once-the-brain-fog-clears-impalachick-marvel). Comments and kudos are much appreciated :)


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